toward Concern


on the question

every once in a while, the flavour of my first kiss forces itself into my mouth. thoughts float in and out; they must be caught and pinned---or perhaps it is myself that is caught and pinned, and the thoughts continue to flow, as data flows through functions. how do you solve a problem like ...? even very simple programs like grep solve infinite numbers of problems. 10,000 concerned people reach for the program to solve 10,000 problems; 10,000 effects become 10,000 causes in the next stage of the pipeline. 10,000 people reach for grep, then awk, then grep again. mission creeps.

fortunately, the Brownshirts have slouched their way into Bethlehem. the simplest form of simplicity is to shoot the cat, pluck the flower from the hands of the Shakyamuni Buddha, regress toward the mean, market.

i find this concerning. i'm concerned with writing this against that.

a classical problem: you are 10,000 things to 10,000 people. this thing---these words---is 10,000 things; i am alienated from you, who are probably pretty confused while reading this. a qoute-unquote generalized commodity is produced and sent out into an unknown world-void. this generalization is the simplification spoken of above: a quote-unquote universalisation, quote-unquote object[ive]ification, the quote-unquote apophantic statement, torn from its context.

context in the real world means feedback[1]: it's very easy to overdrink when you're predrinking, a world away from the club, the heat, the motion and the vomit.

knowing now that we can't do anything without first doing everything, we're left at an impasse, because that everything contains the anything we initially intended to do. the horror. fortunately, the programmers have (perhaps by accident) found the correct knife to separate the question of what and how to question:

Concern.


brownshirts march in. that's what they do. case in point:

"climate change isn't something worth being concerned over. we [someone else] will fix it [for coastal cities] with tech." it's a concern for another. that big picture is for another; my big picture (just as big) is discovering how tech can solve the problem of another industry. my small picture is discovering how tech can solve this.

but to focus on the minutiae of the black experience is to overcomplicate things. racism is being racist---slurs. microaggressions are beyond the scope of my concerns; a picture just as big, but other, another. my big picture is the horror of my impending cancellation.

A mild digression: doing dwelling being

So i'm staying with my aunt, vacationing in Vancouver. One lunch break i meander down to Granville Island to buy a book of poetry or something. On the way i noticed a distillery, and, you know, working from home, i figured it didn't really matter if i took a little 10 minute digression. I walked out of there with a bottle of what is—to this day, still—my favorite vodka.

i was, having walked back, not even tipsy. when i got back my aunt was like "u were drinking in the middle of the day?". and i was like "more like 'sipping', or 'tasting'". not to be pedantic, but those're just fully different things.

the obvious case is the difference between drinking alone and drinking socially. i'd add to that workshopping new cocktails, running a beer tasting, sipping a dry gin martini while reading Wallace Stevens on a balcony with a nice view on a hot summer day. again, what one is doing isn't a function the quantity of liquid or alcohol; nor the precise quantity of inebriation; nor the formal qualities of lifting of the arm, the raising, tilting, draining of the glass.

i think it was about 2 days after that that i first tasted beer. about a week prior i'd had a cappuccino, cortado, espresso, and latte at revolver, using beans from the house of funk. turns out the house of funk also brews beer, and i think that's what's what allowed me to open myself up to beer. when i went to the house of funk, what i tasted wasn't just beer, the stereotype of beer, but syncopation, that particular czech pilsner. i was able to be open to the beer—or perhaps the experiencing of the beer.


  1. & selection pressures, &c. ↩︎